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| ....Why do people have to make life so complicated? Working at Home Depot is not that hard. You show up and just do your thing. My whole family just bitches bitches bitches. Man it is such a drag to have a great day and hear bitching when I come home. I miss Mallory so much but I just can't be with her cause my family here affects that way we are. It sucks I hate it. I made her life misserable just cause mine was. My mom is completely unfit to run a household. My uncle is a duetsch (Kellee: you most likely will read thisf. So Spelling?) bag. He I a total loser, both of them. John also makes life seem so terrible. He complains about never getting to see his girlfriend. DAMNIT I didn't see mine for 2 years why the hell is he upset. Yeah I understand that she is a great person. Stop complaining your killing something great and just making life more complicated than it is. Everyone stop the bitching baout everytthing i'm tired of hearing how much you think life sucks. If you wanna give me your opinion on life then write it in a notepad document and drop it in my recycle bin where it belongs. Life is not meant to be unerstood nor questioned. Just do the job, live the life, and get the sleep. A full time job WELL above minimum wage. What more do you want. I want to start a new life. Get amnesia and wake up in another state or something. That would be great. That's why I ACTUALLY wanna move to Ohio. Maybe things will be better there for me. Get the girl, the better life, and dispose of the old worn out one. I will miss everyone here obviously but I just have to get away from everyone telling me about how much their lives suck. I know they do, so does mine. | | |
| Ok so the girl that I thought was Alyson Stoner was actually a fag ass role player. I feel so stoopid for believing that ot was her. But whatever. I just finish rewatching the "edge of my seat" 5th season of Smallville. Man I love that freaking show. We stayed up for nearly 2 days to watch the entire season and we finally did it. I soooo can't wait till the sixth season i'm excited. But anywho. I finally after a break got a job interview at Best buy AND sears. I might finally get a job. Not the one I'd hoped for but still a job. I am in need of some well deserved sleep so I must crash now before my interview tomorrow. Good day. | | |
| So now I am finally writing in here. I updated to Rise Against as you can see and I made the background myself from one of their pictures of coarse. Coolest layout EVERRR!!! j/k. Talk to you all later. | | |
| I have not used this lately because I have been doing what every male does....bottling up my thoughts. Well I need to write them somewhere before I explode. So life is dandy since I have finally graduated high school, got my liscense, and applyed and registered for college. But I still not happy. My entire family, nobody has graduated high school with a diploma or gone to college, except my mom who has only gotten a diploma so this is pretty special for me to be going. I planned my future....for once. Well lately since my "mother" has gotten a new girl in her life (she is gay) and new rejects the family for her. Well if you didn't know I absolutely HATE being ignored or blown off for another person. She comes home then off to her gf's house she goes. So why should i care? Well because she completely blew off my graduation present because she was too busy with her. She blames lifes problems on me and complains of me being lazy. I try so hard to be a good person to everyone but yet everyone keeps favoring my brother. It makes me sick. I feel so alone cause I have not spoken to any of my friends all summer really and I really miss then. Maybe it is my fault for that one. I miss talking to someone that actually cares about me. Someone who wants to listen to me. I have no freedom anymore. Even my best friend John is no longer around. when he is, it is a rare experience. For fuck's sake he lives with me and I have not actually seen him in forever. I mean yeah it is here every few nights. but i mean doing those things that friends do like hanging out. lately it has been Kellee this Kellee that. Why is it that whenever I try to care for someone I hear from someone else that I am an inconsoderate asshole. I try pretty hard to please people but I guess there are a fews things that I am not good at. I have pissed off a few people this year but for the better part I have tried to build relationships instead of tear them down. Maybe I need to talk to a therapist because I have been thinking about escaping everything a lot either by running away or thoughts of dying. No i cannot kill myself. I'm too much of a pussy for that. I think about the things like getting creamed by a car. some sort of freak accident. I just need a friend. Areal friend, one that cares more about how I am feeling than about the newest comment on myspace. Or how less I comment them. What do i have to do for people to like me for me. If my own mom can care less for me then maybe I am helpless. A lost cause. I just don't want her to hate me so much than she kickes me out of the house. I don't even know what i'm saying anymore. I don't want to be an attention whore I just want someone to say good job. or go you. Gay shit like that. This summer has become the worst and lonliest summer of my life. I have never felt so alone in my life. so unloved. All i want is for my mom to care, to stop calling me a pussy when I go through a tough time, to actually notice when I do something good with my life, to stop lying to me, maybe I ask for too much but hell I have not gotten much of anything this summer. Since when did the ammount of dust in the bathroom become more important than registering for college. Well I don't know. I try to do some things good you know. But as it stands no good deed goes unpunished. Why can't I have a normal family. One with a dad and a brother who actually thinks about someone other than himself. If I am such an asshole then yeah maybe I deserve all this. I'm not exactly good looking really either. Yeah I have acne like thousands of other teens. So I try and make up for that with a personality. But lately it seems as if my personality is no longer appealing. If I'm ugly on the outside AND the inside then I feel that I have nothing. I give up....on everything. I give up on trying to make people like me for me, I give up on caring what people think of me, and now I give up on this sharing of my thoughts crap cause I think it has done nothing but proven that I have a problem with myself and think of myself as a self-centered asshole. All I want is to feel happy. But that is unreasonable. The only one who appreciates me for all these things is Mallory and Ashley. But nobody will understand me. Not even me. Sorry if this was such a load of crap but still thanks for at least caring enough to read about how I feel. | | |
| OoOoOoOoOoOo.....A post. yeah I am posting something here got that right BITCH. now who is.....YOUR DADDY?!?!?!?! Well like anyways. yallz should message me sometime on my aim. ya know i have that IM forwarding crap on. and IT WORKS ooooo yes it works. you guys think i like coke? shit you'd better know I like coke my layout says so. Dude this year for me going smoothly. Like a lubbed toy car up your ass. How wrongfull is that dude shit I gross myself out dude. Well like anyways. If you wanna really talk to me email me or message me and MAYBE I will give my cellular tellie to speak to me over the phone. I got shit to write here it just aint coming to mind. | | |
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